Monday, September 9, 2013

this doesn't happen

today i met
a girl
who is at this so called
school of choice
because she was bullied
the kind of thing that you think only happens
in fiction.
and i met another girl
who told her bully
to fuck off
and she got detention for it.
and i wonder
how sheltered am i
that i don't know
that these things
because i
in a fantasy
a play
some kind of twisted utopia
this doesn't happen.
today i felt confident
and interesting
because i quit something that i hated
and i met other people who 
shared my interests.
a fanfiction writer
who said so out loud
in a room of people she didn't yet know
and a girl with an ao3
who hasn't seen city of bones yet.
we're making plans to see it together friday
and i'm sitting with her in english tomorrow.
and i felt safe
like i could say things
and feel things
and like i was allowed to talk in class
and make my opinions known
and answer questions
and when i did
the teachers never said,
<yes, but...>
<you're wrong because...>
i felt respected as a student
as though i actually had rights
and that my opinions were valid
appreciated, even
that doesn't happen.
today in english
when i sat down
next to a girl with blue hair
and a glittery piercing in her upper lip
she said, 
and when we got to art
we discussed the people
who give fandoms a bad name
with a girl who's preferred name
is one third from
comic books.
and i was not the only one
who was visibly uncomfortable
some of the girls
were so quiet
that we
all of us
could barely
hear them.
by art class
there was a quiet kind of 
the teacher asked for terrie
and six of us mumbled
<it's thorre>
more than one person said,
<she got thu's name right>
when she pronounced it to
instead of thuh or thoo
like the last two teachers had.
i was not particularly quiet
and i was joined
in my unquiet
by the other students
who also maybe
felt halfway-comfortable
in their own skins.
and that didn't happen.
today i started at a new school.
i knew where i was going
as soon as i got there
and there were twenty five
other people
who knew
just where they were going
but didn't know
how to get there.
and now i think
we will help each other
because none of us
are here for malice
we are here
because everything else
doesn't work
is against us
and everything else
i guess
this is happening.

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