Monday, September 9, 2013

this doesn't happen

today i met
a girl
who is at this so called
school of choice
because she was bullied
the kind of thing that you think only happens
in fiction.
and i met another girl
who told her bully
to fuck off
and she got detention for it.
and i wonder
how sheltered am i
that i don't know
that these things
happen
because i
live
in a fantasy
a play
some kind of twisted utopia
where
this doesn't happen.
today i felt confident
and interesting
because i quit something that i hated
and i met other people who 
shared my interests.
a fanfiction writer
who said so out loud
in a room of people she didn't yet know
and a girl with an ao3
who hasn't seen city of bones yet.
we're making plans to see it together friday
and i'm sitting with her in english tomorrow.
and i felt safe
like i could say things
and feel things
and like i was allowed to talk in class
and make my opinions known
and answer questions
and when i did
the teachers never said,
<yes, but...>
or,
<you're wrong because...>
and
i felt respected as a student
as though i actually had rights
and that my opinions were valid
appreciated, even
and
that doesn't happen.
today in english
when i sat down
next to a girl with blue hair
and a glittery piercing in her upper lip
she said, 
<hello>
and when we got to art
we discussed the people
who give fandoms a bad name
with a girl who's preferred name
is one third from
comic books.
and i was not the only one
who was visibly uncomfortable
some of the girls
were so quiet
that we
all of us
collectively
could barely
hear them.
by art class
there was a quiet kind of 
camaraderie
the teacher asked for terrie
and six of us mumbled
<it's thorre>
more than one person said,
<she got thu's name right>
when she pronounced it to
instead of thuh or thoo
like the last two teachers had.
i was not particularly quiet
and i was joined
in my unquiet
by the other students
who also maybe
finally
felt halfway-comfortable
in their own skins.
and that didn't happen.
today i started at a new school.
i knew where i was going
as soon as i got there
and there were twenty five
other people
who knew
just where they were going
but didn't know
how to get there.
and now i think
we will help each other
because none of us
are here for malice
we are here
because everything else
doesn't work
is against us
and everything else
hurts.
i guess
this is happening.

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