I want them to have scars.
some girls want images,
the façades the media has painted,
the parts that they have played,
but I do not want first-date material.
Even when I yearned for love,
I was not foolish,
And I have always yearned for the painful domesticity.
I want the fighting that always hits where it hurts most,
The sleeping next to another body,
The excruciating give and take.
I do not want Prince Charming and walks on the beach while the sun is setting.
No, I want a Someone with scars,
With painful memories that I will accidentally trigger,
And who will not treat me as though I am weak on the days that I cannot get out of bed.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger,
And I want a Someone whose biggest strength is their character,
Their steadfastness and amiability.
I want a Someone who knows who they are,
And who knows how painful it is to find that out.
I want a Someone who is a real person,
with an overbearing mother and a bratty sister,
whose dog died when they were nine,
who had a friend who kept them from killing themselves in middle school.
I want a Someone who likes old radio shows and Hitchcock movies,
And who hates kale because it was the only vegetable in the house for a month in fourth grade.
I want a Someone with a story,
A life that they have really lived,
A painful past, but one that is filled with videos of school plays and choir concerts.
And I have not yet met my first Someone.