I wish i could speed things up
So that I am in college
And so that I don't fall asleep alone every night
So that I am free to do what I want
And be who I want.
I wish that I were in third grade again, swinging in my backyard and not worrying about her and her and her and him and him and him all the damn time.
I wish I were still longing to watch pg13 movies and swear and wear makeup and have a boyfriend.
I still am longing for one of those things.
I wish that I was married, looking into the adoption of our first child and figuring out what color to paint their room.
I wish I had my own puppy who i took for walks on the suburbs in Northern California on sunny days.
I wish I was still friends with Zoe and Anamika and Alex.
I wish I had friends who would help me save myself
I wish I could start it over, make different choices and not always act like I'm sure of myself like I always hav and I'm sure I always will.