Thursday, December 20, 2012

Fifty One Minutes

Fifty one minutes til the end of the world.
There is so much left to do
And a million words to say before the hellfire starts.
Fifty minutes.
Forty nine.
I want to say to Adam, I love you, but you've been awful to me and I don't see that changing.
I want to say to Quinn, thank you for being there always.
I want to say to Jake, you are so incredible and I love you so, so much. You are strong and amazing and I believe in you.
I want to say to Sami, you aren't perfect friend, but you're there for me when I need you most and in those moments, you always say exactly the right thing.
Forty seven minutes.
I want to say to Angela, get over yourself and admit how beautiful you are.
Forty six.
I want to say to Liah, I love you so much. You have no idea how much you've done for me, and I am so grateful for your beauty and sincerity.
I want to say to Hope, you are amazing. You know what to say and how to say it and why you need to say it and how to talk to people. Thank you.
Forty four.
I want to say to Mikayla, you are beautiful. You've always been so pretty, but you can't seem to see that. You don't need the makeup or the revealing clothes. You especially don't need the calling your friends prostitutes.
I want to say to Veda, you are so so smart and pretty and understanding. You have an aura around you that just makes me want to smile.
I want to say to McKenzie, I'm grateful for your words, for all of your words, because they are understanding and kind and meaningful and I am glad that you're okay.
Forty minutes.
I want to say to Surabhi, you are so sweet am I am thankful for you and everything you do for me.
I want to say to Story, you are so strong. We are like minded and I love having someone to talk to and you know what? We have each other. I love you and all your little things, my darling.
Thirty nine.
I want to say to Rachel, thank you for listening. Thank you for forgiving me even after I screwed up so so so badly.
I want to say to Grant, I've liked you since oh, third grade. Off and on. And that's because you're actually a great person and a truly legendary friend.
But most of all...
What, surely you didn't think I was done.
Most of all - thirty seven minutes - I want to say to myself, I am trying my hardest to love you. I want to so badly but you aren't perfect. I want to love you for your perfection, I want to love you because you are faultless, but you aren't and that drives me crazy. Maybe next time you could be.
Thirty five minutes.

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