I thought I saw a flash of silvery-white,
like a guardian angel touched my bedpost or bent down to kiss my pillow.
I'd like to think it was to ease my worries
about the molehills that I so easily turn into mountains.
My grandmother passed away recently;
how many weeks has it been now?
So what I thought was:
perhaps God sent down some angel without a Vessel
to help me through everything.
But no, I don't believe in a God
I never truly have
and I don't know that I ever will.
I thought I might believe that something else was out there
after someone I love said one influential thing.
But even he can't convince me that I am being guided
because I have lost all control.
I have tipped, fallen, shattered,
and I just want things to go back to the way they were before.
The only thing I can't figure out is why it can't.